Marriage Quip Gone Wrong: Misconstrued Remarks and Apologies
When Jokes Land Like a Tonne of Bricks: Navigating the World of Punjabi Marriage and Hypersensitive Trolls
Here’s the story
Ah, the joys of being trolled for a casual remark! It seems like there’s no escaping the ever-present eye of the internet. But fear not, dear reader, for I am here to provide a lighthearted take on the matter.
My thoughtless remark?
Let’s start with the remark itself: “Jat Sikh boys should marry ‘baniya’ girls; Jat Sikh girls should marry Punjabi ‘pandit’ boys.” Now, if you’re not terribly familiar with these terms, allow me to give you a brief rundown. Jat Sikhs are a group of people belonging to the Sikh religion, traditionally landowners/ farmer, who trace their ancestry back to the Punjab region of India. ‘Baniya’ is a term used to refer to people from the business community, while ‘pandit’ is a term used to refer to Brahmins, the Hindu priests or scholars.
The first thing that comes to mind upon hearing this remark is, of course, “why?” What is the logic behind these pairings? Are Jat Sikh boys inherently more compatible with Baniya girls? Are Jat Sikh girls destined to have better marriages with Pandit boys? Or, is this just some random, nonsensical suggestion made by someone who has way too much time on their hands?
As it turns out, the answer is…none of the above. This remark, dear reader, is what we call a ‘joke.’ A lighthearted quip made in passing, perhaps meant to elicit a chuckle or two from those in earshot, or earn a few retweets. It was not meant to be taken seriously, but it triggered quite a controversy.
Yours truly, truly trolled
The internet is a fickle beast, and what may seem harmless to one person can quickly snowball into a full-blown online drama. And so, our casual remark has become the target of trolls, who have taken it upon themselves to mock and ridicule the person who made it.
There are a few ways to handle being trolled. One could respond with anger, lashing out at the trolls and engaging in a heated online argument. Alternatively, one could respond with humor, poking fun at the situation and turning the tables on the trolls.
My witty repartees
In this case, I think I decided to go with the latter. So without further ado, here are a few of my humorous responses to he trolls:
- “Wow, I had no idea my casual remark about Jat Sikh boys and girls would be the talk of the town! I guess I’ll have to start charging for my matchmaking services.”
- “I’m flattered that so many people are interested in my opinions on marriage. Next up: my thoughts on the best brand of toilet paper.”
- “If being trolled for a casual remark is the worst thing that happens to me today, I’ll consider it a win. At least I’m not a pineapple on pizza advocate.”
- “I’ve always said that the internet is like a box of chocolates — you never know what you’re going to get. In this case, it looks like I got a bunch of trolls with nothing better to do.”
- “I’m just glad my casual remark didn’t start a full-blown Twitter feud. I don’t think I could handle being the next Kim Kardashian vs. Taylor Swift.”
Remember, at the end of the day, it’s all just words on a screen. Don’t let the trolls get you down, and keep on making those lighthearted quips!
Hell hath no fury……
But the story does not end here. A Jat Sikh lady, married to a Tam-Brahm (evident from her name), and a VP-level executive in a leading Silicon Valley company, was more than offended. Let’s reproduce her comments verbatim:
“Your original remark was not just a lighthearted joke, but also contained some subtle (albeit controversial) implications about intelligence and beauty. (Me, thinking 💭, Well, that certainly adds a new layer to the conversation!)
“First of all, let’s address the elephant in the room: the implication that Jat Sikh boys may not have a high IQ. This is a highly problematic stereotype that has no basis in fact. Intelligence is a complex and multifaceted trait that cannot be measured by a single test or characteristic. To suggest that all Jat Sikh boys are lacking in intelligence is not only insulting but also ignorant.
“Likewise, the implication that ‘baniya’ girls are plain-looking but highly intelligent is also a stereotype. While it is true that some people from the business community may place a high value on academic achievement, to suggest that they are all lacking in physical attractiveness is unfair and untrue”, she went on.
“As for the recommendation that Jat Sikh girls should marry Pandit boys for their intelligence, this too is a generalization that ignores the complexity of human relationships. While it may be true that some Pandit boys are highly intelligent, this is not a characteristic that can be applied to all members of the community. Moreover, intelligence is just one factor that should be considered when choosing a life partner. Other factors such as shared values, interests, and personalities are equally important. It’s important to remember that stereotypes are harmful and should be avoided”, she concluded.
I am happy that my cyberspace remarks caused enough ripples to pluck response even from a busy high-tech FAANG executive. Surely, my tongue-in-cheek remark, it seems, has perhaps backfired a bit. While humor can be a powerful tool for breaking down barriers and fostering connection, it can also be misunderstood and cause unintended harm.
Never believe a version till it is officially denied
Normally, I do not like to join issues or issue clarifications, but I thought, in this particular case, I should clear up any misunderstandings that might have cropped up.
Firstly, I think it’s important to acknowledge that the comments that I made were not intended to be taken seriously. My flippant, if a little irresponsible, remark was clearly meant as a lighthearted joke, and it’s disappointing that some people chose to interpret it as something more sinister.
That being said, it’s also important to recognize that the language we use can have unintended consequences. Even if we don’t mean to offend anyone, the stereotypes we invoke can still be hurtful to those who are targeted by them.
Furthermore, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it’s unfair to suggest that any particular community is more or less attractive than another. We all have our own unique features and charms that make us who we are.
My apologies; be mindful
So, while the original comment may have been intended as a joke, it’s important to recognize that extrapolated generalisations can be misunderstood or misconstrued, and it’s important to treat each other with respect and kindness, regardless of our backgrounds or perceived traits.
To anyone who may have been offended by the original comment, I offer my sincere apologies. Let’s all strive to be a little more mindful of the words we use and the impact they can have. And in the meantime, let’s all just agree to laugh at ourselves and each other a little more often. After all, life is too short to take everything so seriously!
In the meanwhile, let us be guided by Shakespeare, when he said: “Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” (Feste, the Fool, Twelfth Night)
As for love, let Cupid take take care of it. Better than being trolly touched.
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The author superannuated as Special Chief Secretary, Punjab in July, 2021, after nearly 37 years of service in the IAS.
He can be reached on kbs.sidhu@gmail.com .
